Schneider Bixby III of Chesterton
If there is anyone to meet.... anyone to please.... first and foremost, it is Sir Bixby.
This, my friends, is my stomach. It's true, I have named my tummy. Not only does my stomach have a name, but it is male. If you got to know Schneider, you would learn he has a personality. He will make it known when he needs to be fed (he's actually a bit of a screamer, which to an untrained ear may sound like gurgles or growls). He nearly doubles in size after a hearty meal and can handle pretty much anything you dish. Trust me, Schneider can and WILL eat nearly anything.
I pat Schneider every now and then to make sure he is okay and assure him that food is bound to come his way. The most important thing is that I take care of him, lest he messes my reputation with his other friends (known to normal folk as my other body parts).
Should you choose to invest your time in my perspectives on the palatable, you should be warned:
1. I don't eat pork (so neither will Schneider).
2. I also don't eat carrots, cute animals, or creatures I have seen whole
3. Seafood is the exception to the whole animal rule, although if a fish looks like it was screaming right before its death, Mr. Bixby doesn't get a bite of it, either.
4. I live for spice.
5. And yes, I did name my stomach.
If after all this, you're interested... grab a fork and let's get eating!
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